So while I was living with pastor Patrick I was still fairly insecure about my position with the Lord, my gifting and prophesying, and where I fit in with their small family group when I some day ‘grew up.’ We unfortunately had a principle that kept young people from ‘putting themselves forward’ and would often say that people should never ‘blow their own trumpet’ and should not ‘promote themselves.’ This meant people, myself especially, were not allowed to claim to be ‘prophetic’ on our own—we needed someone already prophetic in leadership to acknowledge these things were functioning in us and only then could we be allowed to claim to be properly ‘prophetic.’ How pathetic!
We simply do not condone doing things like this anymore. Withholding the acknowledgment of gifts and callings from people as a way to maintain control over the prophetic voice for the sake of order is not right or even necessary. It is quite carnal and very harmful, truth be told.
God speaks through anyone he wants to, at any time he wants to, on any topic he wants to. That’s how God later explained prophecy to me. He told even me he has given some of his best prophetic guidance through lowly people not in leadership. I think he prefers doing things like this.
In fact let me quote what Jesus later taught me when I had a dream about people in leadership who were acting as true humble servants of God—something I had not seen in regular people very often at all—and these true leaders were even inviting and including new people to join their ranks as leaders and Jesus explained what these people were doing correctly. Jesus told me that in his Kingdom:
“People are allowed, even invited to have access to leadership roles and decision making. That is what you want, isn’t it? Yes, to share and contribute your own part. That is what MY PEOPLE want, to serve me where it counts … I satisfy them, without letting go of order … control is death of order, peace and satisfaction since it is the death of involvement of my sheep in affairs that affect them. They are allowed to be included in decision making; some of the best decisions I’ve made have come through innocent, benevolent vessels who had no power or authority in man’s realms of ‘divide and control’ … yet they were from ME. Think about it the next time you take charge, are you willing to do it without the help of my Holy Spirit because that is what you will unavoidably do if you offend Him; he’ll stop helping you in the way you really need Him to. Like the Father, He’s not a doormat either!
“Remember, some of my weakest vessels are used in POWER by Me to do MY WILL, and you will never see this in action if you quench the leading of the Holy Spirit and only lean upon who you think are ‘tried and tested’ leaders among men … I do not think this way … and I do not want YOU to think this way. Trusting in Men who follow my leading is OK, but if you start trusting in Men to make decisions and do your job for you of discerning and listening to My heart, it will result in chaos. … every man can fall away or fall behind or fall among thieves, traps and snares … if you give men a blanket exemption from doing what is right, meaning to lean upon ME for his wisdom and direction and you let him choose HIS OWN WAY you will be doomed. Do not do this: let people lead, but trust them to need a little help from their friends from time to time … you and Me both!”
I LOVE being taught by God! But that was still a few years away!
But back then I know they were so afraid of chaos engulfing their church if ‘just anyone’ walked in off the street and was allowed to ‘claim’ to be prophetic and prophesy. They had a real respect for God’s spoken word I suppose, but this was mixed with fears and methods of the Flesh. Were these fears justified? Is restricting obedient people under you from prophesying ever going to prevent disobedient strangers from speaking their minds? Won’t it only mean the good-hearted and obedient are silenced and the true renegades remain free to speak? It’s like making legal gun control measures to stop criminals from illegally having guns. There’s a spirit of deception in this kind of thinking.
And I mean honestly, I lived in their house for three years! Was that fear of a rogue, crazy person walking in off the street and ‘stealing their church’ in my case really justified? And aren’t there several other ways to handle ‘chaos’ from engulfing your church than denying the obvious manifestations of the Holy Spirit in the very youth you are entrusted to train and raise up to function in the manifestations of the Spirit? If you so distrust the very children you raised up within your own ministry, who will you be able to look to take the reigns of your work when you want to expand or need to retire?
Trusting in Jars of Clay
Also the way we understood prophetic ministry meant there was a necessary protectionism over the role or ‘office’ of being a Prophet. If someone was called a prophet, their words, their very opinions were held to be divinely endorsed. So if people were accepted as prophets before they were tested and proven then surely chaos would spread and ruin the fellowship. That sounds like a legitimate concern, right? It sounds like real wisdom. But is it really?
You mean to say that a prophet is somehow deemed infallible once you elect them to hold the ‘Office’? If someone is in the ‘Office’ is there no longer a distinction between their personal views or opinions and God’s prophetic word? That’s the sin of the church of Pergamum actually. That’s not even close to being true. Even in the Bible prophets had personal opinions that God said were wrong, look at Samuel himself choosing David’s brother as king! Ooops!!
Also, we had a ‘council’ to test words and so that means they accepted even the ‘mature prophets’ were expected to make mistakes sometimes. Are the regular people really so stupid that they can’t judge people’s character and motivation themselves? Are they so easily led astray? Won’t they naturally distrust someone who sounds ‘off’? I mean, will the sheep really follow another voice? Jesus said no.
So I agree, yes, you need to hold people accountable, not to be prideful, and clearly distinguish an opinion from a prophecy. Mere opinions of ‘Prophets’ are not to be considered infallible! That’s just silly.
We are openly told in 1 Thessalonians, 5:20-21, (ESV) “Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good.”
First, he did not say to test the people but the word they speak. Judge the word they speak, reject what is false and hold fast to what is true. This means even Paul knew true prophets made mistakes. Look at his treatment of Peter in Galacia! Ouch!! We need to esteem prophecy not just the Prophets, if you understand what I mean. We need to esteem each other, and be careful who you endorse. But are we actually only honoring the Title, the Office, the Man or Woman above the Word of the Spirit of the Lord coming through them? Are we putting our trust in the Jars of Clay instead of the Spirit of Jesus? Tsk, tsk, tsk!
The responsibility is therefore incumbent upon the person in that position to be careful what they say. They THEMSELVES must be first to police this. People, like sheep, tend to keep their heads down and do what they are told. If a person they call a Prophet says it will rain tomorrow … it will rain. But then it was hot and dry and sunny. But the prophet said it would rain! He did, but he only meant by the look of the clouds he felt it was likely. Wait a minute! You are a prophet! How dare you just speak whatever is on your mind; we assumed it was the word of the Lord! No, I was just talking with my neighbor about the weather, I wasn’t prophesying! You misquoted me!
See? The problem is inherent in the POSITION and the remedy is not to ban people from walking in that position, but for people in that position to be a lot more serious, a lot more careful, and NEVER let your opinion be confused with your prophecy. Make a clear, VERY CLEAR distinction. These are not false prophets, not liars, not frauds. They are simply careless. Irresponsible.
I also know other churches facing this problem would simply ban the idea of prophecy and prophets outright because dealing with the confusing, mistakes, misunderstandings inherent in prophetic ministry and dealing with the immature attitudes of budding young prophets just adds layers of difficulty and confusion to the already difficult task of pastoring a church. A church I later went to openly but jokingly would not allow prophecies on “mates or dates” the two areas where untrained believers make the most mistakes. Others just forbid it all outright. But the Bible clearly says not to do this; do not forbid prophecy! Yes, even about mates and dates. Set up safeguards, establish protocals and share advice and examples of pitfalls, but never stop the Spirit from speaking.
But maybe more importantly the Lord explained to me WHY we must not do this! It is because ‘ignoring’ prophecy is what is giving Satan the freedom to interfere and abuse people with it!
Jesus showed me a vision that Prophecy is a gift God has fashioned and given to us to be a blessing, much like a special engagement or wedding gift. Because we are slow and even RELUCTANT TO FULLY EMBRACE IT our Enemy has been able to get between us and the Gift Giver and take control of the gift (interfere with it), and worse, he has actually figured out how to abuse us with the very gift God created and gave to us as an intended benefit and blessing to us!
The right reaction to stop problems with prophecy is not to run and hide, deny it exists or ban it in your community—but instead to embrace it, practice it, develop your skill using it, wrestle with it and above all to cherish it, care for it and let it blossom. We need to develop a mature community, deftly handling the word of God, not an ignorant one with their heads stuck in the sand! Because know this: God will keep speaking to his people whether you like it or not!
That’s basically what the Lord showed me. Not the part about sticking our heads in the sand exactly, but the part that prophecy is a wedding gift that the Bride has not eagerly embraced and so Satan has been able to interfere and abuse us with the very gift God meant to be a blessing to us. YOU need to be responsible to ensure it is a blessing to the Body—a boon not a bane.
A Few Other Dreams and Visions …
In my life while all these things were going on consciously, including the chaos of adolescent insecurity and the politics of power in that small, family church, I just kept having dreams.
The fact that I was having prophetic dreams at all should have been enough for the leaders to recognize that I was already functioning in a prophetic gift. But since I was not speaking up giving ‘words’ during church services, something I was far too shy to ever do since I was not one of the ‘real prophets’ yet, well it just meant I felt I never would try. Seems exactly like my attitude in the vision of the trapeze, doesn’t it?! And the week I did prophesy in a prayer meeting, was my last week in their church; I was rebuked so harshly for being a false prophet for sharing my word, it was the last straw.
But I have a few more things to share before I get to that. So before I start the roller coaster ride, or rather gymnasium-mats-scattering-like-billiard-balls chaos part, let me interject a few other dreams and visions I had during this period, which become important not much later on.
One was a vision of me staring at the Sun, which was somehow a symbol of a promise God had given me.
The Promise of the Sun
In this vision on March 22, 1994, I was given a promise of the SUN, so I sat on the hillside facing West, watching the Sun for the promise to be fulfilled. But as I watched it only sank lower and lower and then to my utter confusion just disappeared over the horizon!
I didn’t move but was understandably filled with disappointment and confusion because the Promise of the Sun had not come to pass as it was supposed to—it had instead become night! Did God really say? Did God really promise this to me? Yes, but then why is it going so wrong?
In the vision I almost began to disbelieve in the Promise being true altogether but hoping against hope, I still sat there all throughout the night, confused, cold but still faithful to sit and watch. I can’t say I was in real faith, I was confused … but in truth I still faithfully waited.
Midnight long passed and finally it even began to get a little lighter: slowly dawn was beginning to break and the Sun was beginning to rise—but not where I was watching for it, but on my back!
At first I could feel the warmth and it got brighter but I shrugged it off, dismissing the first touch of its presence warming my body and just kept looking West—frustrated, angry, but unmoving, waiting, watching. Finally the feeling of the warmth on my back through my shirt was undeniable and I had to twitch and turned around to see what it was that I was feeling but when I looked!—and did a double take!!—because behind me there in the morning sky was the Sun that I was waiting for all this time! Yes, there it was, just as He promised it would be!
In the vision I suddenly stood up and just stared in bewilderment and thankfulness now facing the Sun, God’s promise to me—God’s promise had not failed! And only then did I realize that while the Sun indeed sets in the West—it rises in the East! [End of Vision.]
I also began to fall in love with PALM TREES. We have NO palm trees in New Hampshire and not anywhere even close! I had visited Florida a few times and saw them in person but for some reason at this time I began to LOVE palm trees but in a private, internal way. I even wrote poems about palm trees! Why would that be?
And this next vision made perfect sense … but only 30 years later.
I Sat By The Lamp And I Realized Faith
I stood in a serious faith that hurt me to stand in it. It was painful because it required so much effort to do!
I then saw a light bulb in a tightly fitted glass case.I touched it inside of me, from my heart I mean, and spoke to it in faith to say, “Do not be lit.”That would be easy, I thought, to destroy, to burn it out…
—it went out—
But then I said, “Now that you are burnt out—be lit!” … and it HURT me to do it. It hurt me to stand in this kind of faith …
—and it lit—
and I did it.
Just then some other ‘soldier’ came by and saw me recovering from the exertion of this feat and I said, weak from the exertion, “I lit this bulb,” and he understood everything: he understood that it was once lit, and I burnt it out, and then I made it light again and he knew it was through standing in faith that I did it, but he acted like it was a common thing—“Yeah, it’s by faith, it’s easy,” he said—but it was because even though he understood the fact of what I said and I did, he didn’t understand the magnitude of the painful effort of faith that it took to do it. He was actually not in faith himself but in ignorance and couldn’t see the difference. [End]
That was way back on December 26, 1994.
Like I said, it made sense only AFTER I was in real life able to ‘throw it all away’ to follow God and at his direction, but then to begin to understand he really wanted me to next receive it all back, by faith. Could you give away $10 million by faith? Even if you had it, but it’s not as easy as you assume. But even more difficult, once you let it all go, can you, only by standing in faith, just get it all back? Really? Then show me. Put $10 or $100 into your hand, give it away and then by faith get it back. All things are possible you believe. God answers prayers you say. He is the Great Provider you teach. So show me the money. Now when I put you on the spot it’s not just an academic exercise anymore. It HURT me to stand in this kind of faith and it wasn’t worth just $10 or even $100 either.
And then this one:
A River Guide
I was in leadgoing down the riverand I was taking the people over where the big fish feed.
What do you do when you realizethat you are strong enough to go onbut all the people you are entrusted to protect—your family, the people most important to you—are not? [End]
Yes, written as a poem from a vision on June 22, 1995, but when this word about the River Guide later began to happen it was a painful mystery. There was no solution to me, no wisdom, just a question. So what do I do? Do I quit following God so people who are fearful will be happy? Or do I continue doing what I know is best by God’s specific and very clear instructions, despite people blaming me for their mistaken and unfounded fears? God never told me what to do, only that it was a real problem I faced for many years, especially later in Hong Kong.
Uphill, Both Ways
I had other prophetic and supernatural experiences over that time that mostly taught me about my own journey, and yes, much of it dealt with my love life. Honestly, God was still largely impersonal to me, but he was giving me fatherly advice on my love life the whole time anyway! I didn’t know him this intimately, but he was there for me the whole time anyway.
And my personal prophecy journal from this time was nearly 100% complete, maybe 95% complete with what I heard God say to me, which was easy to do since it was so important to me to record his words and also because he spoke so infrequently. Two things are funny to me now that despite so many weekly times when I could discern the events in our church services, so many dreams and other spiritual experiences, it was an uphill challenge to accept or experience these two simple things:
First, I didn’t consider myself to actually be prophetically gifted.
And second, I never actually saw Jesus.
I knew ‘God’ was speaking to me showing me these things, but at the time I both dismissed the idea that I was really ‘prophesying,’ and also I never knew if it was Jesus’ voice or the Holy Spirit, the Father or an angel who was speaking. Nowadays I can often tell who is talking to me and sometimes it’s a dialog between me and the Holy Spirit about Jesus, or me and Jesus talking about the Father, or whatever. Back then it was just ‘God’—and it wasn’t really personal. I did see Jesus in Bill’s face that one time when I was delivered from purple hair and that false identity, but other than that, no, I never saw Him personally.
Now this is one the biggest changes I’ve made in how I relate to prophecy, now it is not prophecy from God I seek, but Jesus personally and I hope he explains things to me when I see him. I mean I still need clarity, direction, help, but beforehand all I knew was to ask God to give me a ‘word’ and it wasn’t really about talking with Jesus on a personal level, as a friend, it was just getting the ‘word.’ Now the main thing we do is seek to have a personal interaction with Jesus, or the Father or the Holy Spirit—it’s a personal time with the Lord we are seeking, and the prophetic Word just naturally comes out of that.
And I’ll share a few more experiences I had during this turbulent time which may not seem to clearly fit within the prophetic arc of my narrative, but I want to save time keeping things focused, as God asked, on sharing how I learned about prophecy, and these are all important experiences.
Prophetic Bike Ride
So one time I went for a walk and bike ride with Sarah, and her younger daughter, the one I liked, and I think her younger son, Johnny, (yes, his real name) as well as a neighboring kid too and we went down an old road in the forest that used to be a stagecoach road to Boston, called Coffeetown Road, which was a very old nickname for Boston going back to the Boston Tea Party era when coffee first became a fad. Parts of this old stagecoach road were now paved as the main roads in a few places and even for a stretch it was the main rural highway, but other sections of it were disused and left as a dirt road to be reclaimed by the forest. There are old wooden house foundations and artifacts from the 1700’s and 1800’s right by the road in the forest which I am sure are still there to this day.
We went down the forested part of this road by our house and came out on the main highway across from a steep hill with a radio tower on top of it. This is all in Northwood by Saddleback Mountain. So we came out to the radio tower hill and wanted to go up to the top of it but had to stop at the base since it was just too steep to ride a bike up.
And I don’t know why but suddenly I took it as a personal challenge to ride up that hill as far as I could and not quit. It was a kind of spiritual metaphor to me, what we would call a ‘prophetic act’ maybe, but I didn’t know why I was doing it really. I only know I set my heart in the Spirit to do this thing like it was a prayer or sacrifice to the Lord—I don’t know how else to describe it to you.
So I had a 10-speed bike and turned around to get some speed and rode up the hill as far as I could with that momentum, it was maybe about a 45-degree incline, maybe a little less steep actually—but not by much! And I pedaled as hard as I could, standing up on the pedals, pushing as hard as I could, determined NOT to quit like I was making the kind of personal challenge with my whole heart that only naive teenagers and young adults ever really do I suppose. I was going to give everything to conquer that hill, or … well, or nothing, there was no other option. I was going to conquer it! Period!
Red-faced, standing up on the pedals, going forward so slowly it was hard to stay balanced but I kept pushing and pushing until I actually could not breathe anymore. If I was not so young and fit I could have given myself a heart attack, but I stopped more than half way up simply because I needed to breathe. I had come so far and I was sure I could go the rest of the way, it was just more of the same struggle; so if I could only get my breath and keep breathing I could do this.
Sarah and the kids passed me, and they were winded just by walking up the hill on foot, and Sarah said, “Wow, you rode so far up!” She was genuinely impressed—but I wasn’t finished yet!
I couldn’t even talk but finally caught my breath enough to continue so I turned back down the hill to get a little momentum and then turned back to keep going up the rest of the hill, pedal by pedal by pedal, and soon … yes! I crested the hill into the parking lot by the tower!—but to make my victory complete, I rode past the parking lot, not touching the ground with my feet even yet, over the curb to the highest part of the hill in the grass and stopped only when I had reached the very highest natural physical part of the hill, a stone in the grass. I stepped off the bike onto the rock—I did it! I conquered it. I didn’t quit. It looked impossible. It was painful but I did it! But what did it mean? I don’t even know if it meant anything. It was somehow an act of faith and determination, a prayer, but what of? A prophetic act you’d call it, but prophetic of what?
Twenty Years Later I Understand
Fast forward more than twenty years.
I had already moved to Hong Kong by that time as an attorney, then was called by the Lord back to His service, then asked to stop all my corporate work and later to stop almost all money earning work altogether and just learn to pray and trust God full time. I lost almost everything of worth people value in their lives, including my wife. Then God began to reveal great mysteries and secrets to me and world-class plans for my future life in the Philippines and the End-Times. Then I moved to the Philippines when he asked me to, endured the first earthquake, suffered the betrayals from Christians over and over again, and the struggles against everyone and everything to lay the foundation of the revival we were called to start there. The hardships we faced increased season by season but were the hardest over the last few years before writing this, and it was always like were we fighting uphill to consciously follow the Lord’s calling, fighting every day to keep going, to keep trusting, to eat, to move house again (I think it was 10 or 11 times in less than nine years), anything to just keep moving forward by following his daily instructions.
And so I was walking the hills by the land we wanted to buy to start the fish farm the Lord had told us to start, and the Lord told me to just stop and climb a small hill and sit at the top of it because he wanted to tell me something.
I climbed the hill and found an open patch in the bushes and sat down on a limestone rock at the very highest part of the hill and the Lord reminded me of this prophetic act so many years ago riding my bike up the radio tower hill, and he said, “You’ve completed the vision.”
What?! I climbed the hill in real life? It was not a physical hill but so many challenges blocking my path to obey and follow the Lord to walk in the calling he chose for me! Struggles I had to face and conquer but I didn’t quit, even though it had been so hard for so long. I did it! Anyone else would have given up, he said, but I didn’t! I overcame! Hallelujah!
Angels
The Bible says to be careful to entertain strangers because by doing so some have entertained angels unawares. During that early time in America I met two that I was aware of.
One was when I was working at a pizza restaurant in nearby Epsom, Louie’s Pizza. I did not believe God would really ‘speak’ to me openly yet like I do now; I didn’t have that kind of confidence or friendship with him yet. But in one area when I needed to hear his direction immediately I must have let my need overcame my lack of faith and I would hear God tell me his will instantly … it was for picking up hitchhikers. If I drove past someone who needed a ride I would ask God if I should pick them up and since I needed an answer within the next few seconds, I pressed in and opened my heart to hear his will immediately, and I would always hear him tell me what to do within seconds.
One time He said, “Yes, pick him up.” He was a drunk and just needed someone to talk to. Another time a guy was walking and when I gave him a ride he said you must be a Christian. Why? Because only homosexuals and Christians pick up hitchhikers and you’re not a homosexual so you must be a Christian, he said. I would do what I could, share what I could about the Lord, and just be kind and drive them as far as I could and then go about my business.
Pizza Angel, Please Come to Me!
Well, this one day I was coming home early one night from work at Louie’s Pizza, and I passed a hitchhiker and asked the Lord if I should pick him up. The Lord didn’t say yes or no, he said, “If you want to.”
That completely puzzled me. What would what I want have to do with anything? If I want to??
I passed him right by too busy in contemplation of what to do. Turning around trying to understand what I was supposed to do, I came back and pulled over next to him and asked him, “Hey do you want a ride? Where are you going?”
He got in and said he was going to a small town on the way to where I lived called Canaan, New Hampshire. I knew the town, but it was only a gas station on a back road. It was not even on most maps. Canaan?! Where are you coming from? He said, California … Wait a minute!? He came from California … all the way across the country, probably took him more than five days, maybe more like a week or 10 days … to visit a town that’s not even on the map!? But still what a curious town name, right? Canaan.
He looked pretty scruffy, not dirty, but had a beard that needed a trim and well, we were just chatting about different things and it was getting late but Louie’s was still open and I felt it would be nice to offer him some food. So I asked, “Are you hungry?”
“I could eat,” he said, and so I turned back around again and brought him all the way back to Louie’s Pizza!
While we were driving back to work he started asking me all kinds of strange questions. He asked me if I knew who the governor of my state was. Sure I thought he’s … um … well, many years ago it was Sununu, now I had no idea I realized! Never mind he said, and then he asked me what my goal was? My goal? I had begun prayer walking my university campus and doing things like that but I didn’t want to tell him I was a Christian walking around with a shofar blowing it off in the middle of the night behind the English building … so I just said, “Well, I want to make my university a more spiritual place.”
“… But,” he replied so quickly, “you’re too busy to do everything by yourself. You need to be a HUB. Find people to do different jobs and put them in those positions, and if someone is not working out in a position, don’t fire them, just move them around.” He had the most blue eyes I had ever seen, piercing, and he put one dash of salt and one dash of pepper on every square inch of his pizza! I can still remember that.
My pastor was amused and said he was pretty sure he was just a drunk, but it was such a very unusual conversation in so many ways that I kept it close to my heart for a long time. Later I decided to become a lawyer and learn about the political system, I even taught US Government at university in Hong Kong. Much much later, maybe twenty years later, the Lord began to give me so many plans and projects and it was not only over my head, it was more than 100 times over my head! One of the developments He asked me to do would cost over a hundred million dollars alone, and there were more than three dozen other large projects he had shown me specific details on and gave me specific instructions to do! A fish farm earning US$4 million monthly even when it starts, a new town, a 217-room hotel, 50 luxury houses, a huge village for children and the elderly, condominiums, manufacturing, restaurants, car racing series …
So anyway I was working on these projects alone one day, researching, planning, drawing, making budgets, sourcing components, studying concrete and structural steel, learning marine aquaculture and even though I am used to working mostly alone I realized that I could only do so much by myself and would need a lot of key people to bring these projects to life. Jesus told me no one was helping him do his planning and he needed all my attention right now. So I pressed in despite the numerous hardships we endured as missionaries during that time. I then saw that my main task would fundamentally have to be to simply catch the vision from the Lord, catch and explain his prophetic direction, and then to clearly lay out the main project objectives to other people as best I could. In these projects I saw God as our client, and I needed to express his desires and instructions accurately once I found these other people to fill in most of the technical gaps and even handle most of the actual implementation steps. So what I needed to do really was to be some kind of … hub. That’s when it clicked! That’s exactly what I needed to be. I’m too busy to do everything by myself. I need to be a hub. Thank you pizza angel!
The 80’s Lady Angel
There was second person at that time who I met who I am now sure was an angel also. It was a year or two later over the summer before my last year at university and I was working in our state capital as an intern at the Attorney General’s office and I was sitting on the lawn of the Capital Building having lunch and learning to play guitar. I was writing a song and was learning to play it when I looked up to see a lady walking towards me across the lawn. She was dressed like it was a movie set in the early 80’s—black ankle-high leather boots, tight blue jeans, jeans jacket, and a red bandanna—I mean who wears those red bandannas anymore? No one, that’s who! It was fashionable for a while to wear one around your neck like a bolo or scarf or something, but not anymore, not by a long shot! Fashion victim! And she walked straight towards me, there was no one else anywhere on the lawn, and she walked by placing one foot right in front of the other like she was trying to walk on a line, and then sat down right near me listening to me play. Hello!? Personal space!! This was New Hampshire after all, and no one walks up into your personal space and sits down and listens to you play guitar on the lawn of the Capital Building!! Don’t people know that!? I stopped after a minute; I was still just a beginner and not very confident or skilled, and then she held out her hand, “Can I play?”
What on earth?! Who does that?! But OK, I handed her my guitar and she fumbled around for where to put two fingers on the fret-board like it was a chord, which it wasn’t, at least not a normal one, not one I knew of, and she tried to get adjusted and I thought, Woah, she doesn’t even know the basic chords! I was learning music theory in school and trying to do things ‘right’ and I was stuck in a rigid mindset, about several things obviously. But I laughed at her trying to play and not even knowing the very basics … until she began to sing and when she did it PIERCED MY HEART LIKE A DAGGER!!! Yes, she strummed a little, and made another non-chord change, strumming away, and I was annoyed but then she sang and it wasn’t lyrics about God, she never said Jesus’ name, it was all about, ‘he said this and she said that’ and blah blah blah … but in my heart I felt a sharp penetrating stab—she wasn’t playing real chords and her lyrics were vague and a little random but the power of the Spirit in her song was undeniable, tangible, overpowering, and able to penetrate my heart past all my defenses! I grabbed by chest, Owww! It actually pierced my heart!
She stopped, put the guitar down. I was flabbergasted! She walked away!
I just didn’t know what to say. I was shocked, embarrassed and didn’t move. She got in her car, a huge old car, like one from the early 70’s, and to leave she had to drive down the one-way street past the lawn I was still sitting on and as she passed by she stopped and leaned out the window and said one last thing, “Sometimes my car won’t start,” she said, “and I pray to God. And it starts.” And she was gone.
What I learned from her singing is that the power of God is not inherently present in our choice words, or in our orderly, planned programs, not even in our famous worship songs or our overtly Christian movies. His power is in His Spirit, and if we can learn to carry his Spirit, we will carry his power. But if we offend Him, or ignore him, or act without his guidance or presence … if we sing his songs but in pride, or run a church but for money, or whatever we do in his name but if we do it without the personal involvement of his Spirit, then no matter what ‘correct’ words we use, what ‘Christian’ songs we sing, or what Bible-based programs we make, it will be powerless, fruitless, a waste of our time and effort.
It is not by our might, nor by man’s power—in this case I should add: it is not by our lyrics, nor by our chords … but by my Spirit, says the Lord.
